ENGLISH ESSAY FEEDBACK

The following marking guide reviews the common areas of academic writing that are assessed for this paper. Based on your letter grade rating, I have copied the department grading guidelines description. Below that, you will see the numbers listed of the feedback sections (in red) that need to be addressed in your writing. You will find the section descriptions below.

A RANGE

As per department of English Grading Guidelines:

A (A- 82-85% / A 86-89% / A+ 90-100%) Excellent / Outstanding • Content: The essay presents a cogent, nuanced, persuasive argument and demonstrates the careful and effective use of evidence both from the primary source and, where appropriate, from secondary sources. • Structure: The form of the argument is clear and effective. • Writing (style, grammar, mechanics): The writing is clear and precise with few if any errors.

• – May require attention: Section 5
• – Minor Issues: Sections 1 & 4.
  B RANGE
  As per department of English Grading Guidelines:
  B (B- 70-73% / B 74-77% / B+ 78-81%) Good • Content: The essay makes use of relevant evidence, incorporating support from sources skillfully into the main line of the argument, though there may be the occasional difficulty. • Structure: The writer has used an effective and appropriate structure for presenting important ideas. • Writing (style, grammar, mechanics): The author’s careful attention to language and to details of expression and presentation is apparent, even though there may be lapses. The reader of the essay can usually follo
• – Major Issues: Sections 4 & 5.
• – Possible Issues: Section 1
• – Minor Issues: Sections 2, 3, 6
  C RANGE
  As per department of English Grading Guidelines:
  C (C- 58-61% / C 62-65% / C+ 66-69%) Satisfactory • Content: The essay attempts an
  argument that does not completely succeed, either because evidence is insufficient or the ideas need development. • Structure: The essay has a thesis, but does not fully develop and sustain it. Important ideas struggle to find expression through a not yet fully coherent structure. • Writing (style, grammar, mechanics): Errors in writing compromise the clarity of ideas.

– Serious Issues: Sections 1, 2, 4 ,& 5.

– Minor Issues: Sections 3, 6

D RANGE

As per department of English Grading Guidelines:

D (D 50-53% / D+ 54-57%) Minimal Pass • Content: The handling of evidence (whether from the primary material the essay discusses or from research sources if these are a part of the writing assignment) raises serious concerns. The reader of the essay struggles to follow the main idea and finds that the level of detail and development needs work. • Structure: There is no clear focus or thesis holding the piece together. The evidence is scanty or not clearly linked to the main argument. • Writing (style, grammar, mechanics): The essay’s attention to language and to details of presentation seems wavering and uncertain. Typos and errors in grammar, punctuation and/or spelling are visible and frequently distract the reader from the content

– Serious Issues: Sections 1-6

FAILURE

As per department of English Grading Guidelines:

F (0-49%) Fail • The paper demonstrates serious deficiencies in content, organization, and/or writing. Additional instruction is required. • An essay that fails to meet the basic requirements of the assignment (e.g. the required research has not been done, or the essay does not meet length requirements) will receive an “F”. • An essay that contains plagiarized material will be given 0% in accordance with The King’s policy on scholarly ethics and academic honesty

– Serious Issues: Sections 1-6

FEEDBACK SECTIONS

1. ARGUMENT
2. a) Argument is lacking. You have likely delved into a sufficient analysis of the poem, but have focused too heavily on poetic devices or retelling the narrative of the poem. What is needed is an argument that you can sustain throughout your writing. Rather than discuss what is happening or what devices are being used throughout the poem, consider asking “Why” something is happening in the poem or “How” the elements of the poem contribute to an important theme or purpose in the poem.
3. b) Your thesis does not carry a coherent argument throughout the paper. It is difficult to draw connections from each paragraph to a specific thesis or argument. Remember that every paragraph should, in a way, reflect back on

your thesis. Every point you target in a paragraph should act like a “proof” of your original thesis or argument.

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2. QUOTATION INTEGRATION

Quotation integration needs work. Note that proper quotation integration is vital for the fluidity of the paper, so your fluidity is likely to be stalled due to this. So, in this case, you have attempted to incorporate quotes from the poem, but more is needed.

1. a) You need to mix up the attempts at quotation integration using multiple strategies such as “the short expression,” “the formal introduction,” “the run-in introduction”, or “Continuing after the quotation” (see the quotation integration strategies worksheet under unit 4 in Moodle).
2. b) Never leave a quote by itself. You must introduce every quote. A quote cannot be its own sentence;
3. c) Make sure it is evident who is speaking in the quote. You should include the name of the author or speaker when introducing a quote. For example: “Frost writes, “ …” (line #).
4. d) Introduce quotes using the right verbs (eg/ “Frost states,” or “Frost reveals” etc.) Try to not introduce using the same verb multiple times; change it up.

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3. STRUCTURE & FORMAT

The structure and format of your paper needs work. Consider the following:

1. a) Title: This should include three elements: (1) topic, (2) author’s name, (3) title of the text you are writing about.
2. Eg/ “The Imagery of Nature in Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”
3. b) Paragraphing can use work. The fluidity of your paragraph needs more a structure, one that will connect back to your original argument. Consider the 5 paragraphing strategies and their presence in each of your paragraphs (Topic sentence, Explanation, Proof, Connection, Conclusion).
4. c) There is format issues in the essay, which may include the following:
   1. Page length requirements (note that if you use incorrect spacing or
      font, then I will assess the page length after correcting this).
   2. 12 pt. font

iii. Times New Roman text (Nothing else!) iv. Double spaced text.

1. NO spaces between paragraphs. DO NOT put an extra space between paragraphs. You must indent the beginning of every paragraph to indicate that this is a new paragraph.
2. Indent the first line of every paragraph. vii. 1 inch (2.54 cm) margins.

viii. Header: ONLY put your name/date/ course # on the FIRST PAGE in the upper left header.

1. Page numbers listed on upper right hand side.
2. Title is centred on the first page of the paper and is NOT underlined.
3. Words “Works Cited” is written and centred on the last page of the essay. This is its own page. All citations are listed in MLA form. For the first essay only 1 citation is given (the poem). For the second essay, only 2 citations are given (the poem & 1 secondary source).

xii. An entire block quotation should be indented, single spaced, and follow MLA standards. Note that the in text citation (line number or page number reference) comes after the period of the quote in this case. Block quotes should only be used if the quote is longer than 3 lines. A block quote of poetry should also follow the same format and structure of the poem (eg/ stanza, shape, lines, etc.).

xiii. In-text citations should follow MLA standards. For poetry, line numbers should be included. There is NO need to put the author’s name unless it is not obvious that you are quoting that poem. For all other texts and secondary sources, page numbers should be given.

Eg/ Frost expresses a moment of reminiscence: “I shall be telling this with a sigh” (line 16). Not (Frost, 16) or (Frost). Only say the author’s name in the citation reference when it is not obvious that you are talking about that author’s work.

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4. LANGUAGE

There is a tendency in your work to speak vaguely, assumptively, or with an opinionated attitude about certain ideas or concepts in the text rather than focus on analyzing what the author is doing in the text itself. The following needs to be considered

1. a) Vague introduction. The introduction of your work should not waste time. Do not begin with a “fancy” intro about a topic or theme you will be writing about. Introduce the author, the poem or text, and get to the point. What topic is evident in the work. What argument will you be making?
2. b) Vague details. There is tendency to discuss thematic details of “society” or “life” or “people” in general. Avoid this. Tell me about what the author is doing, what the speaker is doing/revealing, or what the poem is detailing.
3. c) Assuming the reader in your discussion. Avoid discussing “us,” “we”, or “you” in your essay. This runs the risk of sounding too “assumptive”, assuming that the other readers interpret the text just like you do. Note that if you choose to write the word “we” then this should be something that is visible or evident in the text. For example, “As we notice, Frost presents to us a crossroads of sort”. This would work, because it’s obvious in the text. This, for example, wouldn’t work: “We all know that Frost is talking about the metaphor of life here”. This is assumptive. It depends on the reader’s interpretation of the text rather than observation. Because of this, you cannot say “we”. It makes an assumption that “we” or everyone reads the poem just like you— which is not necessarily true.
4. d) Opinionated Statements. Avoid giving your “opinion” in academic writing. Avoid phrases like “In my opinion” or “I think that” or “I believe that” or “In my view/perspective” etc. In fact, I would avoid using the term “I” in your paper altogether. You want to present a valid argument and not a personal opinion or reflection.
5. e) Vague words: The following list are common words that immediately evoke vague language. These words, if used by themselves, do not provide any specific information and create more questions about your argument rather than answers to your argument. For example if you write “people” or “society”, then I will question “what people are you talking about?” or “what society” or “what do you mean by society?”. If you talk about “a lot” of something or “many” or something, I will ask “what specifically?” or “A lot of what?”.
   1. Humans
   2. Society

• People

1. One (Eg/ “One may think that. . .”)
2. Person
3. Many/ A lot

• Methods
• Ways (Eg/ “There are a lot of ways that Shakespeare talks about love.”)

1. Forms
2. “Your” or “you” (avoid calling the reader “you” in the text.)
3. Some (eg/ There are some important details to discuss.)

• Woman/ women; man/ men
• us/ we/ our (don’t group the reader with you. Don’t talk about you and the reader. Focus on analyzing the text, not assuming common thoughts between you and the reader).
• area/ place/ location —> Be specific. Don’t leave the reader guessing the actual places.

1. it (avoid using this word too much!)

• Stuff
• Things

1. Aspects
2. Life
3. Any other vague terms you notice?

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5. CLARITY & FLUIDITY OF ARGUMENT

At times the clarity of your writing and argument needs work. Simplify your writing. Read your essay out loud. If it sounds weird or is difficult to say, then it needs to be simplified. Consider the following:

1. a) Language or vocabulary is confusing. Simple is often better. Don’t use strange vocab. If you had to look up a word to understand it, then it’s probably not the best word to use in this case.
2. b) Avoid run-on sentences. Does any of your sentences go longer than a few lines? Why? Can you not simplify this?
3. c) Lack of description or detail. If you use words like “ironic” or “paradox” or “allegory” or “symbolic” or “metaphorical” or “figurative” or any other words that allude to poetic or rhetorical devices and uses of language, then be mindful! If you use these words, be ready to explain why and how the text represents such concepts. Be detailed and specific. Leave nothing for the reader to interpret or assume.
4. d) Fluidity is an issue. You present different ideas and arguments that are not easily connected. The reader has to make assumptions or interpretations in order to form the connections between your points. That is, the reader has to do work to understand your writing and comprehend your argument rather than simply follow it.

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6. GRAMMAR

There are some clear errors in the use of grammar throughout your paper. Consider the following:

1. a) Be mindful of punctuation. A “comma” (,) should indicate a break or “breathe” in the text. Try to avoid commas where possible. Less comma’s tends to promote more fluid writing and a common mistake of over-use. A “semi-colon” (;) should only be used to connect two parallel ideas or statements that need to be connected to each other and could stand on their own as independent sentences. A colon (:) should introduce a list of topics, objects or ideas. It can also be used to introduce a quote as long as the introduction to the quote can be read as a full sentence.
2. b) Know the difference between “it’s” and “it”.
3. c) Know the difference between “effect” and “affect”.
4. d) Avoid contractions in academic writing: “don’t”àdo not; “can’t”à
   “cannot”, “it’s”àit is , etc…

1. e) Avoid conditional words at all cost: should, could, would, maybe, perhaps, would have, could have, should have, it is likely that, it is possible that, it is plausible that, it is most likely that, etc.

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