Revision of essay

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello! I’m Lola N. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!

*Writing Strength:
Your introduction is well written because it introduces the topic as well as providing background information. “As the name suggests, esophageal cancer is a type of cancer that usually occurs at the esophagus. Although esophageal cancer can occur anywhere along the esophagus, it usually starts developing from the cells found beneath the inside of the esophagus.” This statement gives the reader a clear idea of the topic and will keep the reader engaged. Great job!

* 12379761, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:
Currently, I do not see a thesis statement that matches the information being discussed in your essay. A thesis is typically presented in the first paragraph of your paper. It helps direct the reader on what to expect in the remainder of your essay. One strategy that I would recommend, is to use your thesis to take a controversial stance on a particular point-of-view. The rest of the paper that follows should convey evidence, facts, and insights that support the thesis statement. For example, your current statement states:

“Esophageal cancer is a deadly disease and does not show symptoms at the early stage; therefore, it’s recommended for individuals to conduct a regular check-up and observe the risk factors.”

This statement is not clear to the reader as to what he/she should expect in paragraphs that will follow. A thesis statement makes a promise to the reader about the scope, purpose, and direction of your essay. Let’s look at an example of a bad and good thesis statement:

Bad: Reading can develop a child’s analytical mind.

– Words like “can,” aren’t strong enough. This thesis statement begs the question of how? If you’re about to write several paragraphs (or pages) about a topic make sure you can confidently defend every point you make.

Good: Reading develops a child’s mind by fostering comprehension skills, increasing vocabulary, and exposing them to new worlds they might not otherwise encounter.

– Now, we’ve not just stated that reading is good, we’ve provided a sampling of all the benefits we’re about to bring to light in our paper.

A thesis statement is powerful on two fronts. First, it allows the reader to get excited about what, specifically, is coming their way. Second, it stands as the point of reference for your entire paper. For more information on how to develop a thesis statement, please see our handbook lessons about Developing a Thesis.

* 12379761, you requested help with Organization:
Your third and fourth body paragraphs contain very similar information, therefore, you may want to consider combining both paragraphs and summarising the main idea. This will result in a more organized paragraph and avoid having the reader skip any paragraph due to the assumption that it’s addressing the same thing as the above paragraph. For example, you write:

“Causes of Esophageal Cancer
Generally, it’s not known the exact cause of esophageal cancer. Still, according to Ma et al. (43), it usually occurs when the cells attached to the esophagus develop some DNA changes.”

You later in the following paragraph mention:

“Risk Factors/Causes of Esophageal Cancer
Chronic irritation of the esophagus is known to likely contribute to the changes or rather mutations that stand a higher chance of causing esophageal cancer.”

Because you had already mentioned the “Cause of Esophageal Cancer”, I suggest that you either change your subheading or combine both paragraphs in order to avoid confusing the reader.

Transitions
Transitions help you to achieve these goals by establishing logical connections between sentences, paragraphs, and sections of your papers. In other words, transitions tell readers what to do with the information you present to them. Whether single words, quick phrases, or full sentences, they function as signs that tell readers how to think about, organize, and react to old and new ideas as they read through what you have written. For example, you write:

“The bleeding is gradual as sometimes it can be sudden and severe. When not attended, it can result in anemia.”

You need to introduce the next paragraph by using transitional words or phrases. Transitions signal relationships between ideas—relationships such as: “Another example coming up—stay alert!” or “Here’s an exception to my previous statement” or “Although this idea appears to be true, here’s the real story.” Basically, transitions provide the reader with directions for how to piece together your ideas into a logically coherent argument.

Transitions are not just verbal decorations that embellish your paper by making it sound or read better. They are words with particular meanings that tell the reader to think and react in a particular way to your ideas. In providing the reader with these important cues, transitions help readers understand the logic of how your ideas fit together.

Summary of Next Steps:

• Ensure that your thesis statement matches your body paragraphs.
• Avoid addressing the same topic twice.
• Use transitional words or phrases to link your paragraphs.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! Lola N.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Student’s Name

Professor’s Name

Course Name

Due Date

Esophageal Cancer

Introduction

As the name suggests, esophageal cancer is a type of cancer that usually occurs at the esophagus. Although esophageal cancer can occur anywhere along the esophagus, it usually starts developing from the cells found beneath the inside of the esophagus. Various researchers have found that esophageal cancer develops in men more than in women. It is mainly caused by tobacco and alcohol usage or certain nutritional habits and obesity as well. Some of the most common symptoms associated with this type of cancer are; difficulties when swallowing, loss of weight, pain, pressure, or burning effect on the chest. Indigestion or heartburn and coughing as well. Esophageal cancer is a deadly disease and does not show symptoms at the early stage; therefore, it’s recommended for individuals to conduct a regular check-up and observe the risk factors. [Your thesis statement needs to match your body paragraphs in order to show the direction of your essay.]

Literature Review

Numerous researches have been conducted regarding esophageal cancer, its cause, risk factors, prevention, management strategies, and overall survival. According to Malhotra (569), esophageal cancer is rated to be the sixth most common cause of mortality when compared to all other forms of cancer and the seventh most common cancer globally, with an approximation of 3.2% of all cancers new cases and 5.3% mortality as of the year 2018. Besides, the mortality to incidence ratio was rated at 88.9% as of the same year. This shows that esophageal cancer has a poor prognosis as compared to other forms of cancer. As per the clinical records, some patients tend to be asymptomatic, and as it progresses, the patient presents weight loss and dysphagia. Esophageal cancer is composed of two main histologic types; adenocarcinoma (EAC) or squamous cell carcinoma (ESCC), where both of them are most common in men more than women. According to Salem et al. (49), Squamous cell carcinomas are mostly experienced by those who are from low-resource regions, while adenocarcinomas are primarily experienced in high-resource populations. For instance, Squamous cell carcinomas are common in Africa, while adenocarcinoma is predominant in the United States.

Causes of Esophageal Cancer

Generally, it’s not known the exact cause of esophageal cancer. Still, according to Ma et al. (43), it usually occurs when the cells attached to the esophagus develop some DNA changes. The changes are the ones responsible for the growth and division of the section. As a result, the cells grow out of control and abnormally form a tumor beneath the esophagus and invade other near structures, thus spreading to other parts of the body (Trivers et al., 156).

Risk Factors/Causes of Esophageal Cancer

Chronic irritation of the esophagus is known to likely contribute to the changes or rather mutations that stand a higher chance of causing esophageal cancer. Some of this factor irritates the esophagus cells, increasing the risk of contracting esophageal cancer. For instance, studies suggest that people with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) stand a higher chance of contracting the esophagus’ adenocarcinoma. The risk is even higher for people with more frequent symptoms (Blot & William, 413). Smoking also tends to increase the risk of contracting both adenocarcinoma or squamous cell carcinoma. Smoking damages the cells lining beneath the esophagus, thus causing acid reflux. Obesity is also known to increase the risk of contracting Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD), thus exposing one to esophageal cancer. [Because you seem to be addressing the causes of cancer, I suggest that you combine this paragraph with the above one since they are addressing the same information.]

Drinking alcohol, just like smoking, also increases the risk of getting esophageal cancer. This happens when the body breaks down alcohol into a certain chemical known as acetaldehyde that damages DNA. Besides, alcohol also precipitates Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD), which is also a risk factor for contracting esophageal cancer.

People with the tendency to drink very hot liquids such as tea and water increase the chances of contracting esophageal cancer. Research contacted by World Health Organization (WHO) shows that individuals who drink hot beverages stand a higher chance of developing esophageal cancer. Gender is also a risk factor; for instance, men are 3 to 4 times more likely to contract esophageal cancer. This is because men stand a higher chance than women of smoking, drinking excess alcohol, and developing Barrett’s cancer; therefore, they become more vulnerable to the disease.

Esophageal cancer is known to vary when it comes to geographical region, race, and ethnicity. Studies suggest that black are twice more likely to contract esophageal cancer in America’s united states than whites. At the same time, whites’ rate also exceeds that of Hispanics, Native Americans, and Asian Americans.

Studies also suggest that age is also a contributing factor towards contracting esophageal cancer. People aged between; 45 to 70 years stand a higher chance of getting esophageal cancer as compared to young people. This occurs due to changes in different tissues of the body. For instance, the white cells in aged individuals tend to be weaker as compared to youths.

Not eating enough fruits and vegetables is also a contributing factor. Numerous studies suggest that eating enough fruits and vegetables lowers individuals’ risk of contracting some cancer types. While on the other hand, failing to or eating less of them also contributes to contracting esophageal cancer.

Effects of Esophageal Cancer

Esophageal cancer attacks, or rather spread through the esophageal wall. It then spreads towards lymph nodes, then to blood cells in the chest as well as to other nearby organs. Research also shows that esophageal cancer can also spread to the lungs, stomach, liver, and other parts of the body if it is not treated early.

Studies suggest that when esophageal cancer is not attended in its early stages, it may lead to various complications. For instance, Advanced esophageal cancer leads to pain in the esophagus, especially when swallowing food or any other substance (Viklund et al. 163).  Besides, the advanced stage can also lead to obstruction of the esophagus. This means the patients will bear some difficulties when swallowing foods and liquid through their esophagus. Bleeding in the esophagus may also occur at times during the advanced stage. The bleeding is gradual as sometimes it can be sudden and severe. When not attended, it can result in anemia. [Use transitional words or phrases to link the paragraphs together.]

Prevention Measures

Based on the risk factors described above, it’s clear that esophageal cancer can be prevented or stopped when noticed at its early stage (Liang et al. 34). For instance, quitting smoking can work a miracle in its prevention. Though smoking is addictive and hard to quit, it’s recommended to try all measures, including engaging a physician to get to hear the most appropriate strategies for stopping. Besides, there are counseling conducted over the internet on how to quit smoking.

Another measure recommended for people with a higher risk of contracting esophageal cancer is to stop drinking alcohol. Quitting drinking alcohol or doing it moderately if you have to can also work a miracle in minimizing the risk of contracting esophageal cancer (Rice et al.,18). For those who find it hard to stop, then doing it moderate will also help. For instance, for healthy adults, men are recommended for two drinks a day, and for women, one drink a day (Arnal et al. 34). Besides, people with high chances, such as those who are obese, are advised to maintain a healthy weight. Since being obese can lead to esophageal cancer, maintaining a healthy weight could also work a miracle in preventing esophageal cancer (Zhang, Yuwei, 55).

Surviving Esophageal Cancer

The survival rates for esophageal cancer depends on several factors. These factors include; the size of the tumor, differentiation grade, the stage at which the cancer is diagnosed, lymphadenopathy, and cancer’s family history. Therefore, the survival chances of an individual depend on the factors mentioned above. On the other hand, esophageal cancer is common to black people compared to white people.  Therefore, whites stand a better chance of surviving this particular type of cancer as compared to blacks.

As of the 2020 estimate, 18440 adults are estimated to be diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Of this, 14350 are men, while 4090 are women. It’s also estimated that 16170 deaths are likely to occur this year, where 13100 will be men while 3070 will be women. This means that the mortality rate for men as compared to that of women is somewhat higher. This also means that women are more likely to survive esophageal cancer as compared to men. In this regard, gender contributes to esophageal cancer patients (Holmes et al. 65). And studies suggest that esophageal cancer is rated the seventh most common type of cancer, claiming men’s lives globally.

The survival rate of esophageal cancer calculated for five years stands at 47% (Enzinger et al. 159). This means the mortality rate is high since the survival rate is below average. Therefore, there is a higher expectation of more deaths due to esophageal cancer than survival victims.

Experiences

Since esophageal cancer has become an issue of concern globally, most have experienced the vice directly or indirectly. For instance, esophageal cancer left each, and everyone in our family traumatized when it claimed our dear dad’s life. For sure, my dad was a fighter; he survived the first stage of esophageal cancer. I can still remember how he stayed strong after he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I can remember vividly when the doctor gave the news. Each family member was worried about how life could be having our dad sick, and not only ill of typical disease but one of the deadliest diseases. It was tragic. Dad had smoked cigarettes since he was a teen. At the last stage, before he was diagnosed, he had struggled to quit, but it was hard for him. Later on, after several years, he was then diagnosed. He took all the treatments and kept fit as the doctor advised him. After several months, my dad was a healthy gain. But it did not take long before he was diagnosed with it again. This time it was the third stage. I believe it was due to continuous smoking. After a short period, my dad was no more; he took the last breath at the age of 54.

Conclusion

According to various studies contacted by numerous scholars, esophageal cancer is a dangerous disease, and therefore it should be termed as an issue of concern. Many deaths nowadays are resulting from esophageal cancer, with men leading in that category. Therefore, the government should join hands with its citizens to develop measures on how to eradicate or prevent and minimize its spread. In this regard, people should be educated on the risk factors and prevention measures to undertake in their day to day lives. By doing this, we will be almost certain the mortality rate will come down. On the other hand, men and those races that stand at a higher risk of getting the diseases should be encouraged and drawn to them.

Still working on this into this paragraph Unthinkable

1. Educate yourself by listening your doctor or by going online

     looking up best strategy to treating the illness

Understanding what the illness then you can be better able to deal with the fear

1. Preparing for emergency

educate them what to do

More that they know more preparation more rate to survive. Extension to other people who have been diagnosis esophageal. )

Work Cited

Malhotra, Gautam K., et al. “Global trends in esophageal cancer.” Journal of surgical oncology 115.5 (2017): 564-579.

Salem, Mohamed E., et al. “Comparative molecular analyses of esophageal squamous cell carcinoma, esophageal adenocarcinoma, and gastric adenocarcinoma.” The oncologist 23.11 (2018): 1319.

Ma, Kai, Baoping Cao, and Mingzhou Guo. “The detective, prognostic, and predictive value of DNA methylation in human esophageal squamous cell carcinoma.” Clinical epigenetics 8.1 (2016): 43.

Liang, He, Jin-Hu Fan, and You-Lin Qiao. “Epidemiology, etiology, and prevention of esophageal squamous cell carcinoma in China.” Cancer biology & medicine 14.1 (2017): 33.

Enzinger, Peter C., and Robert J. Mayer. “Esophageal cancer.” New England Journal of Medicine 349.23 (2003): 2241-2252.

Zhang, Yuwei. “Epidemiology of esophageal cancer.” World journal of gastroenterology: WJG 19.34 (2013): 5598.

Holmes, Rebecca S., and Thomas L. Vaughan. “Epidemiology and pathogenesis of esophageal cancer.” Seminars in radiation oncology. Vol. 17. No. 1. WB Saunders, 2007.

Rice, Thomas W., et al. “Worldwide esophageal cancer collaboration.” Diseases of the Esophagus 22.1 (2009): 1-8.

Blot, William J. “Esophageal cancer trends and risk factors.” Seminars in oncology. Vol. 21. No. 4. 1994.

Arnal, María José Domper, Ángel Ferrández Arenas, and Ángel Lanas Arbeloa. “Esophageal cancer: Risk factors, screening and endoscopic treatment in Western and Eastern countries.” World journal of gastroenterology: WJG 21.26 (2015): 7933.

Viklund, Pernilla, et al. “Risk factors for complications after esophageal cancer resection: a prospective population-based study in Sweden.” Annals of surgery 243.2 (2006): 204.

Trivers, Katrina F., Susan A. Sabatino, and Sherri L. Stewart. “Trends in esophageal cancer incidence by histology, United States, 1998–2003.” International journal of cancer 123.6 (2008): 1422-1428.